Binary Tuberculosis

This is for the time I threw the rock that hit you in the head. Bad. For smoking that cigarette to try and fit in. For not loving you back. For making plans with you for lunch and leaving you waiting. Then running into you outside afterward. For stealing $5 from your wallet for comic books. For making you cry while we walked to the restaurant. For ignoring your 4 year old cries. Then hearing you fall down the stairs. For not realizing I was being rude. For not picking up the phone. Then turning it off. For flirting with the girl you liked. And liking it when she flirted back. While you were in the room. For not realizing you loved me. For thinking I could love you back. For asking you out. For never asking you out. For saying I’ll be right back with another drink and never coming back. For making you cry on Valentine’s. For yelling at the breakfast table and storming away. For falling asleep while you were upset. For not kissing you. For kissing you. For convincing myself into believing something. For making fun of your body. For not wanting you to marry him. For still not changing my mind about him. For not loving you back. For turning my music up really loud to ruin your picnic. For making fun of your job. For coveting your wife. For lying about my computer crash to get a better grade. For not stopping you from hitting that child. For not stopping you from hitting my aunt. For not helping you up when you fell from your crutches. For not loving you sisters equally. For forging your signature. Multiple times. For not loving you enough while you were still living. Both of you. For charging you too much. For not respecting you enough. For not loving you back. For mentioning obscure music to make myself sound cooler than you. For not helping you load the car when you obviously needed help. For not giving you another chance. For acting like I didn’t hear what you said. For acting like I’m fine when I’m not. For lying about oversleeping so I wouldn’t have to see you. For being selfish. For ruining what we had. For not offering to pay for lunch. For assuming that you would. For not wanting to be friends with you because I hate your wife. For convincing myself you felt the same way. For being a fickle bastard. For blinding myself from the truth. For not having enough willpower. For being a really fickle bastard. And most of all, for not loving you back.

TB
Cambridge, MA
June 2, 2008